Helping a Family Member Struggling With Anorexia
The Dos and Don'ts of Supporting the Anorexic
Nov 18, 2009 Dena Armario-Lyons
Trying to "fix" or "save" an anorexic family member can often times backfire and make the situation worse. Some of the best things to do may seem counter intuitive, like not discussing food. It is easy to feel lost or helpless when watching someone you love most slowly waste away. This guide is a valuable resource in sound advice.
Don't Discuss Weight or Appearance
This is a no- win situation. If you tell the anorexic she looks healthy, she'll hear that she looks fat. If you tell her she looks skeletal, she may take that as a compliment. The focus should be steered away from weight and toward psychological well being.
Don't Bring Up Food
She already has a preoccupation with food. For most people, food is simply a source of nutrition, vital for survival. To the anorexic, however, food may be symbolic of so much more. It may represent pain or a loss of control. Though you are concerned, do not ask what she had to eat. Discussions about food should be saved for the nutritionist. If you notice she is restricting, ask her how she is feeling. Ask her if something is bothering her.
Don't Have Things Around the House that May Act as Visual Triggers
Fashion magazines, television shows with gaunt actresses, even framed pictures of the anorexic while she was in her disease should be avoided. These images may be glorified by the anorexic. Most of all, get rid of the scale! Most likely, weighing herself has been an obsessive part of her disorder.
Do Watch for Signs of Other Dangerous BehaviorsAnorexics may switch from one negative coping mechanism to the next. They may substitute anorexia with cutting, alcoholism, drug abuse, or sexual addiction. If this occurs, it is important that she identify what her triggers are (such as feeling rejected, angry, or alone).
Do Ask How the Anorexic is Feeling
Excessively restricting food can lead to physiological and behavioral changes. This includes mood swings, depression and social isolation. Unless stopped, it will continue in a perpetual cycle. Talking through feelings can become a new, healthier coping mechanism for the anorexic. Encourage this.
Do Make Sure that She is Seeing Specialists that Specialize in Eating Disorders
Her group should include a primary care physician, a counselor (and or psychiatrist) and a nutritionist. The primary care physician should know that the anorexic should be weighed backward, so that she may not see her weight. The doctor should never reveal the patient's weight, because it can act as a trigger. The counselor should be able to help the client identify her emotional triggers. The nutritionist should not talk about weight gain as a goal, or loading up calories. She should talk about health and the nutritional benefits of different foods. Having a care team that does not understand anorexia can actually do more harm than good.
Do Educate Yourself
While it is important to encourage the anorexic to go to recovery meetings, it is also vital for you to understand the disorder. Attend Anorexia Nervosa and Related Disorders (ANARD), or Overeaters Anonymous (the only 12-step program with a focus on eating disorders). Also, research has shown that anorexics that attend family therapy show significantly more improvement than those that only attend individual therapy.
The road to recovery is not a smooth ride and there will be bumps and slip ups along the way. Remember that starvation was a coping mechanism for a long time, so recovery does not happen overnight. Implementing these do's and don'ts helps to create a healthy, positive environment where emotional growth can flourish.
Resources: Raderprograms.com
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